Mike Cohen

(Graphic photo of incision at end of post)

Maybe I’ve been going at this all wrong. As I look in the mirror at the stitches and the remnants of a massacre, under my left ear lobe/cheek. They gave me instructions on how to keep the incision clean and how to prevent scars/disfiguration. Do you think I really care about scars? Have you seen this body?

Well if you haven’t given me a hickey lately, there’s about 10-15 scars on the bottom right part of my neck (this is from the heart biopsies, where they inserted a tiny camera into neck, to cut a tiny piece of my heart to study for organ rejection). Then you’ll notice about 1-2 inches from my neckline, the beginning of a 12 inch or so scar from the top of my sternum to right below my breast plate. This is where they cut two times, once to install a heart pump into my original heart to assist with it’s function, as it was failure due to end stage cardiomyopathy (disease of the heart muscle, that makes it harder for blood to pump). If you walk your fingers about 3 inches diagonally, you’ll see a scar that’s about the size of a dime, where the power cord that was plugged into my heart protruded through my skin, so we can plug it into a 120v wall adapter. Then on my left wrist and right wrist you’ll find about 6 scars each from heart catherazation attempts/procedures, where they inserted a camera into my artery to measure pressures and heart and lung function.

Am I worried about scars? As far as I’m concerned, they’re brands. Etched into my body reminders of when shit was really bad. Am I concerned about having this new scar? A bit. Not concerned about the visual appearance, it’s more the reminder that my life living with the heart of another human, and the medications that I need to take in order to keep that heart healthy and safe, increases the chances of additional cancers and complications that will be coming my way. I have and am vowing that I will never accept a single drip of chemotherapy treatments into my body ever again. Scars.

I’ve had a tough couple weeks. Thinking about my future. Thinking about the election. Thinking about how much hate and lack of peace is going on right now.

I was edgy. I was moody. I just wasn’t happy.

I got to the point where I needed to shake this feeling. It wasn’t doing me any good. I realized a lot of the reasons why I was having a tough time, were completely out of my hands. It brought me back to when I was in the hospital awaiting the heart transplant call.

No matter how much positivity or negativity, it was out of my hands. I knew there was a process and requirement of patience and it quickly grounded me back to where I need to be.

Right now, all of us are struggling in some way. It’s important to find the path to get you back, to where you need to be, to function. You don’t need to be 100%.

Go back to a time, where you are thinking and doing well. Recognize how far you’ve come and give yourself credit on doing the best you can.

You’re here and we are all glad you are. It’s the perfect time to slow life down, and focus on being grateful. Celebrate being grateful.