Mike Cohen

During the sixteen years since I had cancer, the first couple years I had a lot of resentment towards the concept of cancer. Almost similar to a resentment or somewhat of a superstition. Whenever I would see any pink ribbons, LIVESTRONG bracelets, anything mentioning “cancer”, I would shudder. I’d have severe internal PTSD about memories from that period of my life. At that point in my life, after two and half years of chemotherapy, I had just begun to put myself back together again. It would make sense for me to feel some level of something towards a disease that almost ended my life. At least from my current perspective, I think it makes sense.

Where I am now, I don’t have that same perspective towards my most recent ailments; experiencing a severe heart attack at 32 years old, due to a blood clot caused by the two and half years of chemotherapy I had earlier in my life. Then eventually being in the position to receive a heart transplant. The concept of hearts is something that is constantly on my mind, and consistently a part of my life. While, I am not a big fan of “Hallmark holidays”, whenever I see anything having a heart on it, I smile.

It’s probably due to how often the word and concept of heart has been in my life. Maybe it’s because of my two open heart surgeries, living with an LVAD (Left Ventricle Assist Device) to eventually be on the path, to receiving a third chance at life. Being beyond grateful to have had the opportunity, to meet my heart donor’s family and pay my in person respect, to his burial site.

I no longer believe in superstitions, I don’t cringe when I see the word cancer. I beat cancer. I don’t have any reason to feel inferior. I’m proud to be a survivor of my health issues and throughout all of this, I always was inspired and motivated by my heart. I’m also proud to be celebrating World Heart Day in honor of James (my heart donor).

It is 18 days since I was transferred to UCSD Sulpizio Cardiovascular Center. Every morning about 9am, I receive a visit from my cardiologist. This past Friday, he came by and told me they received an offer for a heart for me. They said it was a satisfactory heart. It wasn't to the quality and condition they are looking for. They passed.

It is ABSOLUTELY CRAZY to me, that my life has gotten to this point. I went from finally getting used to the LVAD and the insanity of being connected to a constant power source and walking around with a cord, to being admitted for over two weeks awaiting a new heart.

Damn the times have changed just a bit. I had a few tough days last week. I spent a few days very quiet. Staying in my head, wondering why I am here. Sad, that I am still here. I am a stubborn man. I know this. I am here because I have a blood clot in my heart pump. The medication that I need to constantly be on, is only available in IV drip and I am at risk for a stroke if I am not at a level to come off of that medication.

Physically, I am walking constantly. I have no issues getting in and out of bed. I am using the restroom without help. Missy brought my LVAD shower gear and the other day, I had a shower. Showers, are absolutely amazing. They can be a frustrating procedure, but they are such a pleasure. I have them about 1x a week. I am grateful to have those couple minutes to myself and just enjoy. (See below for shower clips).

Mentally, I am great. I am overall, feeling great. I have been doing my best to prepare myself mentally for this surgery. There is no schedule. No set date. No prep. It can happen at ANY minute. I can be on my daily walk and the doctors come up to bring me to the operating room. I try not to do too much planning. This is my new routine. This is my new life.

It's Monday, be grateful for your Monday. You are subconsciously experiencing your day. You are in your routine. It is so crazy how it can all change without your consent. Enjoy.

Currently Listening to: Explosions in the Sky - Warrior